HOW is an international online support group for gay and bisexual men who are married to women and are out to (or working toward coming out to) our wives. Our mission is to support each other as we try to find our individual paths to happiness. HOW members help each other as we redefine our relationships with our spouses, family members, friends, colleagues, even as we may be learning to understand our own real selves.
We do not give advice, rather relate through personal experiences, the ways in which we have handled our own lives. We advocate neither divorce nor separation, but we never fail to realize the fact that in human emotions, that status (divorce) may be inevitable for some. We request that those who have gone through divorce remain on the list for the support and understanding they can offer – both the positives and the negatives of their experiences.
Our subjects or “threads” vary from discussions of our sexuality, our relationship to our wives and children, the process of coming out to our children, the sharing of humor (it is needed to break the depression that too often results), spiritual discussions, book or movie reviews or discussions, men’s health and sex issues, and anything that helps us to support one another.
We demand civility and a humanistic approach in all we say. While the group is un-moderated, administrators and a Governing Board of long-standing members monitor the discussions.